I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
