So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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