I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
