Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
