My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
