I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize