1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
