Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize