what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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