do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
