I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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