So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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