I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
