I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
