just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
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