Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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