12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
