Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
