your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
