ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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