Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
