My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
