Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
