i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is Oprah even human
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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