i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
