a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
