I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize