He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize