Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
