you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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