I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
