call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
