i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
