Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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