I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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