I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
