She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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