i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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