can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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