I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
do herpes really smell.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
