Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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