The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
