I'm so fucking centered right now
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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