Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
