Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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