well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
