Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
