I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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