I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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