: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
