I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize