i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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