I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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