I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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