I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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