tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had to cum in my sink.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
