I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
