i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
