i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
