Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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