There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
