just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
