I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
