Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
