you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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