we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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