There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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