So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
