he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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