her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
