please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize