Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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