How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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