i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
