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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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