If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
