i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
