When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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