He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
