Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
