Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
