I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
