drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
