hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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