I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
