All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
