bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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