True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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