i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
