Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
