enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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