That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
