What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
