Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ruined the universe
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