i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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