I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize