She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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