i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
